Tuesday, April 18, 2017


Change is the only constant thing in life.  My life has been a roller coaster for the past 5 years and I yearn for some kind of normalcy at least for a certain period of time.  Things keep coming one after the other that there are times when I don't even get a breather between two events. 

Something similar is happening right now.  Last four weeks has been so emotional for me.  And unfortunately this has nothing to do with my dad's demise.  If it was because of my grief, at least I would blame my emotional ride on that.  But there are issues that I am pulled into that I cannot come out of.  I don't want to come out of it because it involves people I love.  I have a feeling appa has put me in his place and is looking at me to see how I come out of this.  I seek his guidance all the time and think how he would resolve this.  I see a lot of appa in me as I go through my way of dealing with situation.  I can see I am unable to take sides.  I can only see what is right and what is wrong and not see who is right and who is wrong. 

I keep asking questions why I am put through this.  The 'Why Me' question has been a constant.  Unless I change the situation, there is no way it is going to change by itself.

Yesterday there was a change in workplace too.  I got swapped out with another worker from another team for project reasons.  It was initially difficult for me to understand but by the end of the day I knew it was the best decision for the project.  I started with my new team today and whatever little I have seen of the product, I am thrilled.  I can see myself growing in that space.  Maybe this is the best move for me.  I may not have initiated any of this, but I am ok to embrace the change.

This was not easy before.  I would get stuck on 'why me' for too long.  Now I am able to get over the 'why me' much quicker.  I keep asking 'why not'.  That calms me down.  In front of the bigger picture, these small changes don't hold importance as before.  Does this mean I have calmed down from inside that such changes don't ruffle me for too long.  If so, so be it.

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